Tag: love

Dark Night of the Soul

Deep in the darkness

your heart may lurk

solitary, frozen, fearful

despair feels somehow restorative

The fantasies come along

An existence absence of you

The sadness thick; isolation never-ending

Every door on which you knock is closed

The intensity of the thoughts thicken

You are but a wretched person

You have solely yourself

Insignificant in the universe

You begin to question

Why did I come

This could not have been a choice

Anything else would have been better

The ego moves you slow like molasses

You forget who you are

You slip farther away

You feel comfort in the cavern

The earth shakes; you have hit the bottom

As your body slams onto the earth

A singular thought arises

I do not want to be with myself any more

Something curious happens

The thought makes you realize

You are not the sum of your experience

Who is “you”? Who is “yourself”?

An awareness of distinction

Clears your skies of consciousness

The dark sky altered your perception

But abruptly you have shifted

Grasping the blackness

Amplifies the beauty of the light

One cannot exist without the other

Harmoniousness becomes you

Your radiant glow spreads

To the totality of what your touch

And your dark night of the soul

Brings others into their beauty

A blessing in disguise

A deliverance from terror

The experience assists you

And millions will learn from you



Fearful wanderers

Dreading solitude

But somehow yearning for it

The universe had stamped us

With the eternal burden of empathy

A sense of purpose

Created a sense of alienation

Another swain that drained the cup

And left us with jaded hearts

Blessed unions did not exist

A restored faith

Opened the eyes of our hearts

When serendipitous moments

Created spiritual ecstasy

And for once unfiltered freedom

Healing of ourselves

Spanned across generations

And so did the spark

That kept us strong

The fire of the selfsame field

Each time we wandered back

We expanded in space and time

Sometimes we were broken

And other times we dissipated

But now we are everything

The wounds healed quicker

And the mission grew stronger

As life became fantastical

And drew reality into the surreal

Our energies channeled as one

Existence is twofold

The masculine and the feminine

Before, present, and after

We will search until success

Because together we are whole

The eternal hum

Some blessed hearts remind us

In a breathless papyrus whisper

Or in a laud of praise

Even the sanctified itinerary

It simulates the ubiquitous thrumming

Others remind us in the harvest

With hues of golds and amber

Even the scientist intimates it

When the spark of light surges

And we start at the beginning again

The tranquility of the stream mirrors it

But so does the crash of the earthquake

It can be heard in a simple cricket trill

And in the surge of the tornado

It is somehow placid but explosive

Every clangor of a parade

Every thrash in a mosh pit

Every child with a stick

The variations are endless

But they expose the same truth

It is uncovered in a flower’s bloom

We affirm it in the moon’s rise and fall

The engine that fuels all of us

Denies our self-contained egoism

Constructed or organic; the beat goes on.


As the warmth rises up in morning glory,

I ponder in quiet curiosity

I ponder like the Mother did

when greeted by the sweet emissary

I plant like a statue and yearn

I wait for heaven to present herself

The course is unknown and winding

In truth it is never-ending

The divine courier places a message in my palm

But the page is nearly blank

Except for a word in bold—

“Listen” She tells me

Listen to the echo of the Great I Am

It subsists in every soul you meet

Every being is a piece of the Infinite Puzzle

And your purpose lies within their words

Every pain, pleasure, insight, and inquiry

All connections with the perceived other

They led you to the present moment

To the most authentic you

Devote yourself to the service of others

For I told you the last shall be first

In time your heart will become cloudless

But first you must listen

Transmuting pain into love

There you were before me

As though no time had passed

I couldn’t look at you like before

All I could feel was regret


I remembered the confusion

The shame and the guilt

The feelings of lack

The heavy weight in my gut


A series of accusations washed over me

As I blamed you for my hurt

I only view you as my other

As I wallowed in my pain


But the time had come for this to end

And the Creator revealed a miracle

She showed me your true self

It was pure and gleaming gold


She told me to make you into a child

She said this is what She sees

Your innocence beamed through the ether

You were an extension of Her


I saw all of your intentions

And your many anxieties

The Creator showed me why this happened

It had a greater purpose


The chasm between us expedited growth

We divided—but it was merely an illusion

Love is always with us

Forever compassionate for the other soul


I shed cleansing tears and freed my heart

I picked you up and held you close to my chest

As we embraced, we were shielded from the past

Gone were the feelings of resentment and fear


I put you down and you grew up again

You showed yourself in shining white

You spun around in circles

Dancing freely in the sand


I grabbed your hands and we spun together

The joy expanded a hundred miles

We may never return to what was before

But love will guide us from now on

Integration of the darkness

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, and it’s amazing to see how far my mindset has changed in a year or so. I barely agree with my past self anymore.

Anyway…I’ve decided I need to use this page more for my experiences and feelings that may be deemed “mystical” (or not–these are my words only). In particular, I’ve gained a lot of spiritual insight while in the dreamstate. 

Last night, I encountered what some may call a low vibrational entity, or simply a dark presence. Whenever this happens, I instinctively call for Mother Mary’s assistance. In a brief poem, this was my experience:

Pins and needles instilled a panic in my heart

I felt the vast, void, separation from the light

Inescapable loneliness, breathless fear

Where could I go? I was nothing without You

All of the deceits of this world piled on my soul

The disconnection overcame my sisters

But they didn’t know You as well as I

And they didn’t know that You could free us

If only we freed ourselves

If only we knew that we could
The irksome prattling of the talking heads

And the hailing of lower vibratory frequencies

Repeated the lies to a naive public

What were they hiding from us?

That’s how we got here in the first place
When I met my final threshold

And the hopelessness deemed itself victorious

I remembered who I was

I remembered what the void was

I reintegrated the shadow into my being
I reclaimed my strength for myself

I reclaimed it for my sisters and their liberation

I blessed the separation

I blessed that which tortured me

I remembered that we were One
In the lifting of the veil I felt my freedom

I no longer needed protection

It was protection that supported the illusion

Love was all that could exist 

Even in the darkest places

In a realization of self-sovereignty

I cried out to the Divine Mother

I could see her luminous face

She sat atop a musty placard

“Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is With You…”

Be brave. Choose love.

Today is a very hard day for a lot of us. It is also an exciting day for some of us. As a fairly progressive millennial, this is an extremely difficult day for nearly anyone in my social circle. So let’s just take this piece by piece. 
First of all, a great deal of you voted for who I was told for the past year is the absolute enemy. I was told that “anybody” that supported the new president elect is a racist, sexist, homophobic islamophobic jerk. For a small, dangerous percentage of you, this is absolutely true. My advice to you is to surrender to the Light of God. I realize that much of what you believe begins with fear. But fear is not God’s love. Maybe you do not believe in God, but if you do, know that family values will remain if we go home and spend time with our families, not if we change laws that say two people who are in love can no longer marry. There is no sense in concerning ourselves with what other people’s families look like–it does not effect our own. National security will remain intact if we promote peace and attempt to negotiate with other nations–fearing Muslim countries and Mexican immigrants does not solve any problems we have regarding immigration, or terrorism. We must be rational and reasonable. We must not generalize. Fear achieves nothing. Violence achieves even less. You will continue to live in fear until you surrender your heart to God.
To the rest of the Trump supporters who do not fall into the category above: I’m sure you discerned carefully as to why you voted the way you did. I am sorry if you are experiencing hatred. Please understand that while you may have chosen Trump for economic reasons that have nothing to do with gender, race, sexuality or religion, that the reality is that most members of minority groups are now scared that they are at risk. Please give them the peace of mind that you are on their side. If you voted for Trump for your own religious freedom, please tell a Muslim that they have the right to their own. Be an example. Treat others with love just like you’d like us to do with you. You will put so many people’s hearts at ease. 
To everyone else, particularly those who are now in fear: We will get through this. If you are white, stand up against aggression towards Muslims and minorities. Use your privilege for good. Start getting involved in the political process. Help change our government (that goes for everybody else as well). 
If you are a woman: You are a PERSON especially loved by God, who is both feminine and masculine. Use the strength of the divine feminine that I know is within you to stand up against sexual violence. If you have been hurt by assault or harassment and you are mourning that the country does not care about you, that is not true. Half of this country did not vote for Trump. And if all else fails, I STAND WITH YOU. We are stronger together.
If you do not have privilege as a minority religion or race and this has been hard for you to read because you are in literal fear for your life, please remember that there are good people out there. There are good people who plan to continue to fight against that which divides us. I support you. Clinton supporters are with you. Sanders supporters are with you. I imagine even obscure third party supporters are with you. You are NOT alone. If you feel unsafe, please let an ally know if there is anything we can do to help you. If you need physical protection or you just need to know that there are privileged people who are on your side, let us know what we can do. If you want us to shut up and check our privilege, let us know. As Americans, WE ARE A COMMUNITY. And we will not leave you behind. 
More than anything, I’d like to say this: Life is not over. Evil has not won. Don’t let fear destroy your ability to love and move forward. Don’t be afraid. United we stand, but divided we fall. Forgive those who disagree with you. Forgive those who promote divisiveness. Find strength and peace in the love of God. I know it’s hard to hear, I know you may read this and think, “but she’s a white Christian!” And I get it. But I don’t want you to lose hope. We’ve been through worse than this and we will continue on.
When President Obama was elected, we thought a lot of change would happen quickly. Some republicans were terrified. But the fact is that change happened very slowly, and in some cases not at all. The government works for us. The government shut down before, and it can happen again. We are Trump’s boss. And he’s going to learn what it means to work hard to keep us happy. That is his job. As long as we promote the common good, we will succeed. But as long as we let fear win, we will continue to live in chaos. 
We can do this, America. ❤️
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1 Cor. 16:13